FEAR OF REJECTION
FEAR OF REJECTION
Whether we want to admit it or not, we have all been rejected or experienced rejection to some degree. We were born sinners and separated from God. Therefore, we were born with a sense of separation, abandonment, and rejection. The great thing is – we can be born again ACCEPTED through Jesus Christ.
“May blessing be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ Who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realm! Even as He chose us (actually picked us out for Himself as His own) in Christ before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless in His sight, even above reproach, before Him in love. For He foreordained us (destined us, planned in love for us) to be adopted as His own children through Jesus Christ, in accordance with the purpose of His will. To the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.” – Ephesians 1:3-6
We can be accepted in the Beloved. We can ACCEPT God and God can ACCEPT us.
I grew up with a sense of abandonment and rejection. As a child, my dad wasn’t around much and he had a hard time showing his love for us. I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t spend much time with us and I felt rejected. It wasn’t that he didn’t love us; he just didn’t know how to show it. I looked for that love and acceptance from other people. My senior year of high school, I got pregnant out of wedlock and my husband and I had our first child together. I went from being the head cheerleader, basketball, volleyball, and track star to being the “scum” of the high school. I was rejected. I was looked down upon. I would hear people talk about me and find degrading cards/letters in my locker. It was very hurtful and one of the hardest years of my life!
I carried that rejection into my marriage without even knowing it. You see, people that struggle with rejection will have defense mechanisms. They will be manipulative. Many who suffer from rejection issues often seem the most confident. They appear that way so people won’t reject them. People who struggle with rejection often have a problem with pride and arrogance, insecurity and inferiority at the same time. When you try to correct them or speak truth into their life, they feel that you are rejecting them so they will fight back and chew you out. They will reject you before you have a chance to reject them. In the early years of our marriage, when my husband and I would fight, I would reject him first before he could reject me. I had no idea that I was carrying those issues into my relationships and putting up walls so that no one would hurt me again. It was a defense mechanism.
In my adult years, I was rejected by co-workers. It was a very hurtful time in my life as they said some of the worst things about me that anyone has ever said. I started expecting people to reject me because that is what I was familiar with from my past. I had a fear of rejection. It wasn’t until my mentor pointed out to me that I needed to deal with these hurts from the past so that I wouldn’t carry them around with me any longer. You can put faith into your fears just like you can put your faith into anything else. If you are expecting people to reject you, guess what…you will probably get what you expect.
Maybe you have experienced rejection as well – your parent(s) abandoned or rejected you; maybe they said very hurtful things to you and made you feel like you were never good enough. Maybe a coach or teacher told you that you would never amount to anything. Maybe you were always picked last at school, you weren’t the smartest kid or the most popular, and never seemed to fit in. Maybe you felt like you could never measure up to your siblings. Maybe your best friend betrayed or rejected you or you had co-workers or friends that talked behind your back. Maybe your spouse rejected you for someone else and has said some things that made you feel unworthy. Someone might have made you feel this way or you might have just believed the lies of the enemy.
The only cure for rejection is to be ACCEPTED and LOVED by God. God wants to redeem us & accept us. He wants us to know how much He loves us and approves of us and that there is nothing that we can do that will make Him love us any less. God picked us out on purpose to be His very own and to belong to Him (Ephesians 1:4). Start believing what God says about you instead of what others say about you. Galatians 1:10 says, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Understand that not everyone is going to like you or approve of you. You have to be secure in WHO you are in CHRIST and know that if God is for you, who can be against you (Romans 8:31). Psalm 27:1 says, “The Lord is my Light and my Salvation – whom shall I fear or dread? The Lord is the Refuge and Stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?”
When you give your life to Christ, you are ACCEPTED and you are LOVED. He loves you before you even accept Him! I encourage you to receive God’s love and acceptance and lay your rejections at the cross. Ask God to help you with the hurts and offenses from your past. Ask Him to forgive you of any sins and forgive those who have sinned against you. RECOGNIZE those lies that have been spoken over you or that you have believed and REPLACE them with God’s Truth. The only way to FREEDOM is by renewing our minds with the Word of God. John 8:32 says, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
Hurt people, hurt people. Offended people, offend people. Don’t carry the hurts and offenses around with you anymore. Release them over to God and ask Him to help you get freedom from any past rejections. Build your foundation on God’s Truth. Anytime that the enemy reminds you of these negative experiences or words that were spoken over you, remind him of God’s Truth. Recognize any lie that has been set in your foundation and replace it with the Truth so that you can move forward into the great plans that God has for you (Jeremiah 29:11)!
Know that God loves you, that He approves of you, that He is for you, and that you are accepted by Him. Renew your mind with God’s Truth and allow the Truth to set you FREE!
God Bless! Amber Cunningham
